![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Jun. 14th, 2006 03:47 pmI don't know how far news of this has traveled, but a group of high school students in a town about twenty minutes away from mine went on a Spanish class end-of-the-year trip to Costa Rica. They'd been saving for it all year. They were swimming in the ocean, and some of them got pulled out too far when the weather changed for the worse. Their teacher went in to help them, and did manage to get at least one out before he disappeared, too. Three kids are confirmed dead; the teacher's body hasn't been found yet.
So then this shining example of humanity comes into the donut shop today:
Man: "You hear about those kids who drowned?"
Me: "Yeah, just read an interview with one of the survivors."
Man: "You'd think they would've gotten out of the ocean when they saw a storm coming in."
Me: *realizing that I am quite possibly in the presence of a jackass* "The girl the reporter talked to said the weather changed in five minutes. They'd been swimming out there for hours, no problem."
Man: "Well, there still had to've been some sign. Clouds coming in. Waves changing. They should've known."
Me: *yep, jackass* "Not what she said."
Man: "Hmph. Don't know what swimming has to do with learning Spanish anyway."
Fortunately, he walked out then, before I could go with the impulse to beat him to death with a bear claw, or say what I was thinking, namely-- "So does it make you feel good to lay blame on teenagers who drowned, and the teacher who died trying to save them?"
If it's one thing that'll take my mood from cheerful to snarly in a heartbeat, it's victim blaming. I heard a lot of it when the Natalee Holloway case was still in the news all the time, people muttering about how she shouldn't have left with three guys (never mind that they'd never automatically say that about a guy leaving with three women, so I won't even get into the 'all men are potential rapists and killers' mindset that attitude gives away); saying awful things about her because she trusted the wrong person (gee, what a crime); or she shouldn't have been drinking; basically a huge list of shoulda-woulda-coulda.
Funnily enough, I never heard one person say something about how whoever killed her shouldn't have done that.
I know, goes without saying, right? But how long does it take before something left unsaid just kindof disappears, and leaves in its place a huge mess of "Why was she wearing that?" "Didn't they know better than to go there?" "Why doesn't she leave him?" "Well, there still had to've been some sign."
If it is one thing we all have in common, it is mistakes. That should join the 'death and taxes' list of guarantees. But is it ever a popular pasttime to sneer at those who make them at exactly the wrong moment or around exactly the wrong person. I'm not leaving myself out here; I used to read stories of another battered wife dying and ask why she didn't just go to a shelter or something. Then I finally took a deeper look at those stories, and got into a few potentially bad situations myself, and realized how useless and heartless griping at the victim is.
I still sometimes beat myself up over bad decisions I've made, and those didn't even result in the worst-case scenario. So imagine how someone who did go through the worst feels? They'll already be second-guessing themselves for a long time, going through the what-ifs over and over; there is absolutely no need for anyone else to look down their noses at them and make comments about how they'd never be that stupid. The only one truly at fault is the criminal, not the one they hurt.
It's easier to find some fault with the victim. Feels better to think, "Well, she did this and since I'd never do that I'll be safe." But that mindset comes with a very nasty price tag.
So then this shining example of humanity comes into the donut shop today:
Man: "You hear about those kids who drowned?"
Me: "Yeah, just read an interview with one of the survivors."
Man: "You'd think they would've gotten out of the ocean when they saw a storm coming in."
Me: *realizing that I am quite possibly in the presence of a jackass* "The girl the reporter talked to said the weather changed in five minutes. They'd been swimming out there for hours, no problem."
Man: "Well, there still had to've been some sign. Clouds coming in. Waves changing. They should've known."
Me: *yep, jackass* "Not what she said."
Man: "Hmph. Don't know what swimming has to do with learning Spanish anyway."
Fortunately, he walked out then, before I could go with the impulse to beat him to death with a bear claw, or say what I was thinking, namely-- "So does it make you feel good to lay blame on teenagers who drowned, and the teacher who died trying to save them?"
If it's one thing that'll take my mood from cheerful to snarly in a heartbeat, it's victim blaming. I heard a lot of it when the Natalee Holloway case was still in the news all the time, people muttering about how she shouldn't have left with three guys (never mind that they'd never automatically say that about a guy leaving with three women, so I won't even get into the 'all men are potential rapists and killers' mindset that attitude gives away); saying awful things about her because she trusted the wrong person (gee, what a crime); or she shouldn't have been drinking; basically a huge list of shoulda-woulda-coulda.
Funnily enough, I never heard one person say something about how whoever killed her shouldn't have done that.
I know, goes without saying, right? But how long does it take before something left unsaid just kindof disappears, and leaves in its place a huge mess of "Why was she wearing that?" "Didn't they know better than to go there?" "Why doesn't she leave him?" "Well, there still had to've been some sign."
If it is one thing we all have in common, it is mistakes. That should join the 'death and taxes' list of guarantees. But is it ever a popular pasttime to sneer at those who make them at exactly the wrong moment or around exactly the wrong person. I'm not leaving myself out here; I used to read stories of another battered wife dying and ask why she didn't just go to a shelter or something. Then I finally took a deeper look at those stories, and got into a few potentially bad situations myself, and realized how useless and heartless griping at the victim is.
I still sometimes beat myself up over bad decisions I've made, and those didn't even result in the worst-case scenario. So imagine how someone who did go through the worst feels? They'll already be second-guessing themselves for a long time, going through the what-ifs over and over; there is absolutely no need for anyone else to look down their noses at them and make comments about how they'd never be that stupid. The only one truly at fault is the criminal, not the one they hurt.
It's easier to find some fault with the victim. Feels better to think, "Well, she did this and since I'd never do that I'll be safe." But that mindset comes with a very nasty price tag.
