changeyourstars8: (Castle squee)
Kaylee just ran up to me, bouncing and giggling. I asked her what was going on, and she yelled,

"They all float down here!"

And now Chris is teaching her how to say "Beep beep, Richie".


Jul. 1st, 2011 07:07 pm
changeyourstars8: (Default)
Been married for six years now. :-)

To celebrate, we (Chris and I, the kids, mom, and Devin) headed to the Oklahoma Aquarium and then for late lunch/early dinner we went to Joe Momma's, which has absolutely awesome pizza. Devin ordered The Incinerator, and somehow managed to get through about half of it without running for a pitcher of milk.

And the waiter recommended a good place to get tattoos. ((I am trying to get my courage up so that whenever we can manage to save the money, I can get a small one))

This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.


Jul. 1st, 2011 07:07 pm
changeyourstars8: (moulin rouge)
Been married for six years now. :-)

To celebrate, we (Chris and I, the kids, mom, and Devin) headed to the Oklahoma Aquarium and then for late lunch/early dinner we went to Joe Momma's, which has absolutely awesome pizza. Devin ordered The Incinerator, and somehow managed to get through about half of it without running for a pitcher of milk.

And the waiter recommended a good place to get tattoos. ((I am trying to get my courage up so that whenever we can manage to save the money, I can get a small one))


Apr. 11th, 2011 03:10 pm
changeyourstars8: (Name faery)
Ashley's going to be here later this afternoon and she'll head out again on Wednesday. It's good timing, because Chris is working night shift tonight (4 until 2 a.m.) and then his next shift starts four hours later, 6 a.m. to 4. Fortunately this doesn't happen often.

The lady who works our local Parents as Teachers program just left . . . she saw me at Braum's and asked if I was in the latest community theater production, since she recognized me from other ones. I said no, because I was too busy with the kids, and she mentioned the PaT thing. It seems like a pretty good program so far, and she got on great with the kids. Ian even let her hold him, which I was really happy with (he's in his cling-to-mommy stage right now). And Kaylee charged around the kitchen and tried to answer questions: she asked when Kaylee's birthday was, and before I could answer Kaylee shouted, "I'm three!" :-)
changeyourstars8: (Casino Royale)
((because what fun is an entry about depression if you can't use a dramatic Simon and Garfunkel lyric for the title?))

So for those of you who don't know-- which is most everybody, because I went into Hermit Mode about it again-- I'm back on the Cymbalta. I was having an episode every day, and though I tried all of the coping strategies I'd been using while I was pregnant (driving somewhere, going on a walk, listening to music) nothing helped.

I wasn't going to tell anybody that it was back. I struggled to keep from letting Chris know for the first couple of weeks after Ian was born-- in the weeks leading up to his birth, my hormones were apparently wonky enough that it kept the depression at bay, and I thought I was 'cured' and told him so. He was really happy for me, and I didn't want to spoil that. So I chalked up any crying as just being tired with a new baby. Then the suicidal ideation came back while he was at work, so I ended up calling mom at 5:30 a.m. She asked if Chris knew what was going on, I told her no, and she gave me the verbal equivalent of a smack on the back of the head.

A lot of wanting to keep it hidden was the denial. If I could just deal with it myself, get a handle on things with no help from anyone else or any medication, then maybe what I have isn't actually depression, isn't really that bad and I don't have to be terrified that I've passed this unlucky number in the genetic lottery on to my kids.

And also, Chris is nervous about that kind of medication. Due to my experience with Lexapro, he worries about side effects, especially if the Cymbalta stops working in its current dosage and I have to increase what I take or switch meds altogether. Of course, my constantly-depressed state interpreted that worry as "I don't want you to resort to meds, and if you do I'm going to think you're weak and lose respect for you". Yay twisted mindsets. I finally talked to him about that in the middle of an episode, and he said, "Even if that was what I think-- you're hurting. Fuck what I think. Take the medicine." I started back on it that night.

So he knew, and mom knew, but I kept putting off telling anyone else. But something naamah_darling said the other day reminded me of why I started talking about this in the first place.

"That's why even though it sometimes sucks, I write about this shit as honestly as I can. The being bipolar, the body image issues, everything. Because the thing that helped me the most was knowing I was not alone. Conveniently, that's the part that I am good at giving back to other people. Nobody should have to feel alone with this crap."

I was helped so much by looking around online and seeing that other people were dealing with this, too. So here's some of what it's done, the good and the bad.

I nearly stopped writing for a while. I did stop sending material to publishers and agents, because what my Normal Brain would've interpreted as, "This project isn't right for these people; try again with someone else", my Depressed Brain took as "This book sucks and you suck and the people you sent it to are all laughing at you because again, you suck". The sole good side was that I discovered I actually like self-publishing through Lulu. I don't deal well with airplanes or interacting with a lot of strangers, and while I love reading accounts on my friends-list from people who're published and doing book tours and stuff, I know that isn't something I'm looking for. I like my little corner; it's the introvert in me. ;-)

I've put Chris through a heck of a lot that I wish I hadn't. On the good side of that, I'm getting better at actually talking things out instead of just pretending nothing's wrong. Used to be that if I couldn't make a joke out of it, I wouldn't mention it at all. That's slowly changing.

I lost a lot of the first few months of my daughter's life, because I couldn't even think straight. There is no good side to that.

I've only had a couple of mild episodes since I went back on the Cymbalta; no suicidal impulses. I'm hoping that lasts.
changeyourstars8: (Dark Tower)
We knew each other through the theater for several years before we started dating.

I knew I was interested in him for a couple of weeks before I tried to say anything about it. First I wanted absolute confirmation that being interested was a good idea (because if it's one thing I excel at, it's second-guessing myself). ;-) That confirmation came when a fellow cast member got upset with a guy for doing something irritating. While I wasn't exactly sure what to say, for the next hour or so Chris helped her talk through it, and I knew.

Which left the problem of how to tell him. The end of the play was nearing, and that meant I wouldn't be seeing him again until auditions for the next one, about four months away. Cue a mild panic that ended with me drinking just a bit too much at a cast party on the assumption that if I was plastered, I wouldn't be able to get nervous. I also wouldn't be able to remember 3/4 of the evening, but hey.

He drove me home, and after we pulled into the driveway he kissed me. Which caused another panic, because now that my grand scheme had apparently worked I had no idea what was supposed to come afterward (I think most of my emails to Kath around this time consisted of "eek help what do I do about the fact that I don't know what to do"). The next day I went to the theater for the last show, and Chris apologized for the kiss, told me that since I'd still been pretty drunk that he shouldn't have done that. I told him not to worry about it, and went backstage to put on my makeup and fret some more.

After the show ended, he started coming by the donut shop of a morning and we'd talk. Then he came by the house at close to 8:00 to ask if I wanted to take a drive. I was already in my pajamas, having settled in for the night to write, so I got dressed and headed out. He told me that he wasn't interested in seeing anyone else, and wanted to know if I felt the same way. I did.

After a little while I started spending the weekends, and then part of the week, at his house. I'd still bring my laundry home to help keep up appearances (my parents didn't care, but grandma did). And one day as I was carrying a bag of clothes out to the car, I turned when he said my name and saw him down on one knee holding a ring.

Our engagement lasted a little over a year (needed a summer wedding because that was when most everyone we wanted in it would be off from work, and since we weren't about to try planning a wedding in a month, next year it was).

We got married five years ago today.
changeyourstars8: (Dancing Through Life)
Since he was several days late and my doctor was getting a little concerned, I was induced at 4 in the morning on May 25. But everything went fine, and Ian was born at 3:09 in the afternoon. :-)

Read more... )
changeyourstars8: (The Boy from Oz)
So last night the neighbor's son, daughter-in-law, and baby were over for a visit. We all went out and chatted early in the evening, and then Chris went over after Kaylee was in bed to talk and have a few drinks, while I worked on editing. He came back in at about midnight, started to heat up some food, knocked a couple of papers off the top of the microwave in the process and failed miserably at trying to catch them. He found this hilarious.

Me: "You are completely plastered, aren't you?"
Chris: "Umm . . . let's just say, don't go into labor tonight."
Me: "I'll be sure to pass the word down."

Fortunately, Murphy's Law decided not to go into effect. ;-)

Today it's kinda gray and rainy outside, so instead of doing more work out in the garage like we did yesterday afternoon, we're going on a Baking Frenzy. Chris is in there making pizza dough, and then after lunch we're going to make banana bread, fudge, and some Rice Krispie treats. I predict that Kaylee will be going to bed at about 3 a.m.


Jan. 31st, 2010 11:39 pm
changeyourstars8: (Ariel)
So I'm working out a list of "Things to Get Done Before Ian's Born":

1) Put In the Darkness Find Me up on my website.

2) Finish the decorative paintwork on the upstairs bookshelves.

3) Complete a revised edit for both Jia's Charms and its sequel.

I just got one thing-- rewrite the solely-my-character parts of Eight Ruby Slippers for Charlotte in the first person-- done tonight. :-) And Chris and I found a wall-mounted pot rack for a good price, and he also built a shelf out of scrap lumber and hung it on the kitchen wall, so we gained some cabinet/counter space and were able to reorganize the kitchen a couple of days ago. Another checkmark.

So, three things to get done before late May. I think I can handle that.


Jan. 12th, 2010 02:18 pm
changeyourstars8: (Calvin and Hobbes)
Chris has basically been working 14 hour shifts this past week, which means when he's actually home he's trying to sleep. So he's been tired, and I've been cooped up with Kaylee (*glares at persistent snow*).

He's off today, so we're getting out of the house.


Oct. 25th, 2009 05:23 pm
changeyourstars8: (Perverts)
So I run into the rental store to pick something out. Get back out to the car, and there's this:

Chris: "So what'd you find?"
Me: "It's called How to Be a Serial Killer."
Chris: "You do know we're on a watch list now."
Kaylee: *cackles maniacally*
Chris: "And that was your influence."
Me: "Guilty."


Oct. 18th, 2009 11:12 am
changeyourstars8: (Elphaba and Fiyero)
Chris and I actually went on a date. :-) It's been close to two years since we've had the opportunity to do that, so . . . yeah.

Mom offered to babysit Kaylee for the day, so we dropped her off about 10:00 and headed to Wichita. We were thinking about stopping for lunch first, but after we stopped at Cocoa Dolce (yay chocolate!!) we saw what time it was and realized we should probably hit the museum first to be in time for the movie there. The museum was called Exploration Place. Great view of the river, and we loved their exhibits (they have a wind tunnel! And a whole bunch of other hands-on stuff; we're definitely going to take Chris's nephews later on and Kaylee's going to be visiting a lot when she's a bit older). The traveling one, which is an exhibit about the animatronics of movie monsters, had a ton of set props in it, including some from Pitch Black-- if they had allowed pictures, I so would've gotten my picture next to that one, because I love that movie way too much. We also went to see a short film in their Cyberdome Theater, which was about prehistoric sea monsters and fossil digs and whatnot; really good.

Then we went to Il Vicino for a late lunch. One of these days when we get a chance to go back I'm going to try one of their sandwiches, honest, but I have a hard time passing up their pizza. And they have the best tiramisu ever.

Anyway, Il Vicino's second building in Wichita is right next to Cocoa Dolce's new location-- then I saw that there's also a Barnes and Noble on the corner, so I told Chris to just head home without me; I was going to pitch a tent in the parking lot. :-)

We got back and Kaylee heard the door open and ran to us, shrieking "Mama! Dada!" Entirely too cute.

Today isn't going to be as much fun-- catching up on laundry and dishes, and trying to rearrange the upstairs so that it's some semblance of neat-- but it'll be nice to have things done.

Snowed In

Mar. 28th, 2009 05:55 pm
changeyourstars8: (Dark Tower)
It's been snowing steadily since about 11 a.m. On his way to work, Chris went into the ditch-- he wasn't hurt and the car wasn't damaged, but it freaked him out a little bit and he called to tell us not to drive anywhere unless it's absolutely necessary.

Time to make some hot chocolate, I guess. :-)

Oh, yay

Mar. 24th, 2009 02:03 pm
changeyourstars8: (Strange Days)
A doctor's visit revealed that Chris's 'cold' is actually strep throat. This has sent me on a Lysol-spraying frenzy of epic proportions in an attempt to keep Kaylee from catching it. Been a fun past couple of days. :-P
changeyourstars8: (Haunted)
OMG. So Chris is in Kaylee's room with her tonight and I'm in our bedroom, and the baby monitor's on and I'm just about to go to sleep when I hear this laugh come over the monitor. Creepiest. Laugh. Ever.

We've picked up conversations and whatnot on this thing before, but GAH. brb, off to check the house for gremlins.

Freaking baby monitors.
changeyourstars8: (Default)
Slacktivist is at it again (if you haven't read his essays about the Left Behind series, do so!), this time with a piece about a recent poll showing that 60% of Americans don't believe in evolution.

((I also really like this one.))

When I was growing up, this was something I talked about with mom and dad, but it was never any big controversy as far as either of them was concerned. I remember dad telling me that he believed the whole '7 days' thing was parable-speak, and that God created us and evolution is just the mechanism He used to do it.

Chris and I were both raised as Christians . . . he's still with it, while I'm agnostic. We've had several discussions about how to raise Kaylee with regards to religion. So far we're going with the 'attend church sometimes, have discussions afterwards, and if she doesn't show much interest don't force the issue'.

But the main attitude around here can be summed up by a former college classmate of mine. We were in science class, the book got to its section on evolution, and she says (ostensibly to me, but loudly enough for the teacher to hear), "I don't know why we even have to talk about this. I know I didn't come from any chimp!" and then she elbowed me and grinned like I was going to agree with her. I told her that wasn't how it worked, anyway. And the poor teacher; from the look on her face she'd just gotten an instant headache.

So, yeah. Lot of misinformation going on. Also, have I mentioned, Kansas?

Therefore, my trust in the school system is basically nil. And while I understand the very general basics, I'm far from an expert, so I'm getting to work on gathering information from people who're smarter than me. ;-) I've got those essays above, and we've got a couple of DVDs with various scientists discussing the issue, but I'm just wondering if any of you happen to have any books/movies/articles on evolution that you found particularly good? (bonus points if they're kid-friendly)



Feb. 7th, 2009 06:55 pm
changeyourstars8: (La la land)
From a little trail we walked around on yesterday:


Jan. 19th, 2009 06:00 pm
changeyourstars8: (Casino Royale)
The good: Going for a drive out in the country, seeing a very familiar and very unexpected shape out in a field . . . "Is that a camel?" Will upload pictures once my computer decides to start working again.

The bad: Further on down the road, seeing a sign advertising "Hunting Adventure! No license required; hunt all year round. Deer and exotic game". Mom and Chris agreed that while it would be fun, it would also probably be illegal to add "owner of hunting adventure" to the list of 'exotic' game.

The freaking annoying: Our theater has Bride Wars in, but not Defiance. I foresee a drive to Pittsburg in our future.
changeyourstars8: (Haunted)
So Chris and I headed out at about 1 in the afternoon to go run some errands and whatnot. Then he drops me and Kaylee off at my parents' to visit for a while and goes to work.

Cut to 7:45 tonight. Mom drives us back to the house-- and we see the door standing wide open.

We back out of the driveway and I call the police. Two squad cars arrive in about five minutes or so, and the cops go through the house. They, fortunately, didn't find anybody. I go through it afterwards, while they're still here, to check if anything's out of place. ((as dad said, if anyone had come in, the computer would be gone)) Nothing.

Figure it must be that the door didn't quite latch and the wind blew it open, or that Chris and I did that wonderful comedy of errors where he locks the door and I unlock it a few moments later.

We thanked the cops and they left, and now the cats are wandering around the house sniffing everything. Two of them are, anyway. I know I won't see Daisy for another five or six hours yet. Thank goodness we have a screen door.

Anyway, I suppose this should reassure me, that the door was standing open for about seven hours and nobody came in. I'm still pretty sure I'm going to stay up until Chris gets home.


Dec. 9th, 2008 01:01 pm
changeyourstars8: (Girl is Crazy)
For the meme I posted the other day, asking people to give me topics outside my normal blogging routines to post about.

[ profile] that_evening said 'sex'.

Not sure what aspect of it to talk about, so you get random babbling. Lucky you! ;-)

I don't remember how old I was when I found out exactly what was involved, but I do remember the how. I'd overheard a group of older kids talking about it, but couldn't exactly go up to them and ask them to explain. So I did the logical thing: went home and looked up the word in the encyclopedia.

My poor, poor mother. I call up to her from the basement:

"Hey, mom?"
"I'm becoming a nun!"
*sigh* "Now what are you reading?"

Skip a few years, and my cousin and I were watching a movie with my grandmother. We had to be careful doing this, because grandma has some strict standards, and if we brought in a movie that offended her then we got the whole extra-scrutiny thing every time we rented a video. It was a romantic drama-- little to no swearing, fade-to-black instead of an explicit sex scene, no violence. My cousin and I thought we were golden. Then the movie ends, and my grandmother says that it was okay, but she really didn't like the fact that the main characters had sex before they were married.

This honestly did not occur to my cousin and I as a possible problem. Skip a few more years, and there's no way I'm bringing up to grandma that I didn't exactly wait, either.

Which I suppose brings us to [ profile] jbangelo, whose suggestion was:

"when you first met your husband and what your first impression of him was"

Funnily enough, I don't remember the first time we met. We did shows at the community college together for years-- the first one we were both involved in was Picnic when I was fifteen. I played Millie; he worked on set construction. So I know there were weekends working on the set that he was also around, but at the time he was Just Another Guy Who Hopefully Remembers Where I Put the Stupid Paintbrush.

I do remember when I realized I wanted to start dating him. A group of us headed out for a drink one night after rehearsal. One girl was depressed because the guy she was on-again off-again seeing had done something beyond stupid and hurtful. She started crying, and I honestly expected Chris to do what I'd seen guys do before, both in 'funny' movies and in real life-- treat tears like Kryptonite and quickly get out of there. Instead he helped talk her through it, and I thought, "If I was going to try a relationship, I'd want it to be with someone like him". And then I realized that what I actually meant was that I wanted to date him, at which point I freaked. Because I had no idea what the hell I was doing. ((y'know that stage in high school where you date a few people and get used to the general process? Yeah, I kindof skipped that in favor of reading and writing))

So at the next cast party, I got drunk because I figured then I would stop fretting over everything so much and just be able to flirt. Not exactly a brilliant or original strategy. :-)


changeyourstars8: (Default)

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