My confirmed paranoid freak status

[changeyourstars8]

I really have to watch what I talk about at the hairdresser's.

The subject of all the break-ins in town recently was brought up there yesterday, and I participated in the discussion and now I'm regretting it because I'm sitting alone in the house afraid to get up and go into the kitchen to get dinner because I'm too scared I'll see someone standing in the back bedroom doorway.

I joke around about having a phobia of heights and wasps, but I think the one thing I'm truly, honestly afraid of to the point of it crippling my behavior is someone breaking into my house. It's been with me for years.

It's to the point where I'm starting to theorize that maybe in a previous life I was killed by a burglar or something, because my brain isn't quite logical enough to just settle for, "You love the horror genre way too much and of course that's going to muck with your mindset". Yet another side effect of an overactive imagination, I guess.

I hear a noise and even if the sane portion of my brain says, "It's just the heater starting up", the stronger part says, "Yeah, but what if?" and then my mental rolodex finds every single nasty urban legend I've ever heard and I freeze.

The silly part is, when there's someone else here I don't get freaked out. When I still lived at my parents' house, if my little brother and I were the only ones there, I didn't immediately jump to conclusions or lock myself in the bathroom with a butcher knife because I'd heard a strange noise (true story). Which really doesn't make sense, because at least if I'm alone and someone breaks in, I only have to worry about myself. If someone had come in then, I would've had to worry about keeping my brother safe, too. So I should've been more prone to worry, not less.

I have no idea. I just know that I hate it, and that it sure doesn't look like it's going to go away anytime soon.

Oh well. I'll probably just do with it what I do with everything else . . . put it in a book.

Comments

[finniscs.livejournal.com]

yiiikes.

okay, putting it in a book is good but youve got to do something else too. Like empower yourself. get some mace. And a cell phone. If you cant afford the montly bill, get a track phone and only use it for emergencies.

I read once about a woman who stopped her attacker by spraying deoderant in his face and that always stuck with me.

I used to make sure theres always a can of something to spray in the upstairs bathroom and the steak knife I put in the cupboard up there is still there too.

small comforts but somehow, they helped.

I think its normal to have fears like this, especially being women. I dont think I ever come in the house by myself without thinking about the possibility of catching someone inside. I hear strange noises-- the radiators make them all the time-- and the worst case scenarios go through my head. The trick is not dwelling on them, not letting them take over your mind. As Frank Hebert wrote in Dune: Fear is the Mind Killer, and its so true. It can incapacitate you, take over completely and leave you helpless. And you dont want that!

and heres something else to seriously consider. . . get a dog. I know youre not a dog person but there are studies out there proving that they do deter burgalers. My two little ones probably wouldn't be much along the lines of protection but MAN are they loud! they bark at everyone who comes on the porch or in the house. They would at least give a warning. Shelby, before she got too old to move, was definitely protection. I have no doubt in my mind that if anyone had tried to hurt me, ron or the kids, my friendly, fat, yellow Lab would have taken them down in a minute. I think thats one of the things that really helped me get over my fears of being alone. Before we got her I always went to my parents when ron went to deercamp. After Shelby came, I felt much safer.

And dang, I wasnt home last night, but you can always call me!

[allthelivesofme.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :-)

And about the dog thing-- I don't think one would get along with our cat too well (she didn't react well to another kitten-- but Chris is talking about getting a dog after we move, and after we do that I'll probably look into the cost of extending the fence *all* the way around the house instead of just most of the way. :-)

And that was actually brought up at the hairdresser's-- because the latest break-in was two guys who crawled into the house through the dog door. Fortunately, someone was home at the time and saw them start to come in and called the cops, but I was just thinking, "What in the world could make someone come in through a dog door big enough to actually let them in?"

I do remember when I was little I'd keep a bottle of spray perfume that I got for Christmas next to my bed. I suppose I'll feel a bit better once we get moved in and the dagger collection is around the house again. Sitting in a mostly-empty house where I have-- let's see-- the remote and a bag of mints sitting next to me as weapons is kinda disturbing at 9:30 at night.

The phone we have is portable, though, so at least that's available. :-)